The morning has arrived. I was still feeling shaken, unstable, with the tightness in my chest. But in overall I was a bit better than the evening before, I guess my body adopted a little to the initial shock. Still it sucked. Somehow I made it through two days of meetings. But when I went to a company dinner I was just shaking while sitting at the table and trying to appear normal while holding chitchats with my colleagues. I didn’t know at the time that I shouldn’t be drinking coffee or alcohol and I was drinking both. So when I had a couple of glasses of wine, I started feeling spacious and anxious. Btw I didn’t know or rather didn’t use anxiety or panic attack terms at that time, I learned about those latter. Anyhow I lasted about half an hour at the table and then had to come up with a reason to leave. After that I was sticking to in-room dining.
Last day, time to fly home. I was feeling a bit better, in particular because I thought I have figured the reason for the dizziness: I was taking an antibiotic at that time, a common side effect for those being vertigo and disiness. Once I’ve found that information I was sort of relieved, I have found the reason for my sickness, now I just need to stop taking antibiotics and in a few days I will be alright. Hence the reason for my better than average in the past few days mood. But the morning had a surprise for me, there was a revolt in Istanbul, my flight was canceled and I had to fly via China with China Air. I barely made it to my connecting flight in Frankfurt, I had to run between terminals to be able to catch my flight. It was my first time running in a week. I made it to the flight. The plane, the food, and Beijing airport sucked balls. But that’s a differen story. I made it home. I was relieved.
I was still feeling unstable, but not as much. Next day, while driving I had this sudden tightness in my chest, I sort of froze in fear, couldn’t even speak. In a minute or so I was able to take control of the situation and appeared to feeling normal again. But it was the first sign of the driving problems to come.
In two days I had to leave on another business trip. Not much to tell about it. I kept feeling unstable and scared. I had to bail out on another dinner with colleagues, because I suddenly felt spacious and had a floating sensation. I made it back home. More worried than before. The time has come to talk to a doctor…